My sister’s mad at me… again.

A truth or a lie might cause a big difference to the things that occur subsequently.

If only I have not told the truth and instead acted innocent, things might be better. But knowing that a lie tends to lead into another one which then again leads to another one and so on, I have told the truth. I have committed a mistake and didn’t deny it, hoping that it would be more appreciated than to lie about something which is supposed to be a minor thing. I know I should be hoping for nothing positive. Instead of recognition for the value of my courage to tell the truth, it is but fury that I have anticipated. Because I know that for her, a mistake is a mistake regardless if it’s on purpose or by accident, or if it’s something you wish you could undo. Above all, a mistake is a mistake no matter what you say or in my case, not say. You have to pay the price – the look in her eyes which puts me to death, the silence which can last for days or weeks or even months and hopefully not for a year, the unresponsiveness, the nights spent alone, and most of all, self-reproach for making her mad.

Of course I didn’t mean to make a mistake. More than that, I didn’t mean to make her mad. I am already tired of these petty fights, and each day spent knowing that she’s mad at me, I am more than miserable. To unleash the fury in her is the last thing I want to do.

I am not perfect. I don’t see why she can’t seem to realize that. I am just a human capable of making mistakes. And so is she. And when she does, I don’t mind that. I don’t forgive her because I don’t get mad in the first place. I see no point getting mad to someone who’s so important to you because you know you just can’t last the days after being so. But there are times I also get livid, but she doesn’t know it, she never had the chance to be aware of that because my anger does not go far beyond myself. I forgive her right at the moment I feel the pressure of sulks seething within me. I don’t want to be mad at her for the reason that I don’t have the right to. And everyday, I forgive her…