Live. Laugh. Dance. Jump. Shout. Play.

(The effect of a weekend at Sagada...)

Studying is not the only way we can learn. Books are not the only source of knowledge. There are so many things out there, so many people, so many places; so much to experience that could teach us the most important things in life that we have to know. And sometimes, the most important things and lessons are not taught in school or read in books, we just have to go out there and discover and learn it with ourselves.

There is more to life than having high grades or being academically excellent. Sometimes, by being so focused on that one thing – academics, we lose in touch with all else – which are all the more important. We tend to be concentrated on that one thing that the things that we really want to do are neglected and compromised, making us unhappy and in the future, we fail to see the end that we had hoped for. Balance plays the most important part in our lives – balance on everything that makes our existence worthwhile, the actual reasons why we live, the purpose of our life.

There is no other time to be happy but today. There is no other time to do the things that we want to do but today. Because today is the only day we can control for yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not certain. If you want something done, do it today and do it because you want to not because you have to.

Happiness is a matter of choice. And yes, I choose to be happy. I choose to live the way I want. To achieve my dreams, I know I have to work hard – really hard. But on second thoughts, it’s not really working hard because achieving my dream is something that I want to do. And since I want it, I am happy doing it – it may be working hard but without feeling like carrying a heavy burden. I want to secure my future but more than that, I want to secure my present. If something goes wrong on my way to the future, at least I have done what I want and I won’t have any regrets. The more we think about the future, the less we live today because we are always so excited about tomorrow that we forget that today is the tomorrow we have yesterday.

I am tired of thinking about the future. I am done hoping and waiting for the future, which, in actuality, is something that will never end. We don’t live in the future – not in the dreams that we have for ourselves, not for who we hope we are by then. If we wait for the future, it’s like waiting forever and waiting for nothing at all.

All I want to say is… do whatever makes you happy as long as it falls down within the bounds of your values and principles. Prepare for your future but please do not forget that today was once the future that we have waited in the past. Achieve your dreams but do not overdo things. You’ve got one life and only one chance to live it. Enjoy it. Live. Laugh. Dance. Jump. Shout. Play. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do – and there is no other right time to do it but today.

*Tinatamad na mag-aral. Malapit na ang bakasyon! :)*

On Having Second Thoughts on Something I Used to be so Sure of

Time can do a lot of things apart from healing wounds. It can also aggravate a wound, to a point that it hurts too much that you can no longer feel the pain. And the broken can’t be mended.

I thought I wouldn’t be perturbed by the distance and time that separate us. With a tweak in dealing with my everyday and through the impassiveness towards the issue of divergence, I believed that I can do anything, everything just as long as I know that you are with me. Somehow, realizations, although in a manner not so deliberate, crossed my mind, and everything I used to believe in turned out to be all fabrications now, understanding how I have successfully convinced myself for the past three years that I can manage to keep the thing alive, which I actually managed to do. Knowing that you are with me is not enough; you have to be with me. But since for now, it is not possible and no matter how much we want to be with each other, it just can’t happen. What’s worse is that the space between us expands as time leaves us behind that I can no longer touch you, see you, talk to you, shout at you, or even be with you in mind or in spirit. The distance between us has extended too long, too convoluted that it covered up the memories that we once had and the days that would have been spent together.

Maybe nothing else should matter as long as we love each other. But this separation, the distance and time that should have been transcended, has caused too much pain in me that it makes me weak rather than tough. This weakness brought me to believing things far removed from what I used to have faith in, forgetting about the kind of happiness that had once lived within me and getting acquainted to a lesser kind.

This distance and time brought us too far away from each other that we don’t grow connected together anymore. I feel so small for having been left behind. I feel so weak, so helpless that no matter how much I want to change everything that’s happening, I have no power to do so. But I am happy by the fact that you are happy. I am happy by the fact that you are only a few steps closer to your dream. Although we are growing on our own, away from each other, I am happy because you seem to love the way you are growing, loving the path that you chose. And I’ll never say that you made a wrong choice; something bigger than life is right in your hands and to not grab and hold on it tightly would be an absurd thing to do.

I have realized that when you love someone, you’re happiness isn’t that important at all. What’s more important is the happiness of the one you love that the things that make him happy makes you happy just the same or even more.

There is love, and there is love at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Maybe ours is an example of such. The place and time may be wrong, but the person and the love, which are more important, will never be wrong. It’s causing me so much pain to know that you are with me but not by my side, but I think it’s better than you being by my side but not with me.

I have thought of letting go of this love and I won’t deny that. Perhaps it’s because of the anguish I feel at times of your total absence or the partial presence, but these are nothing compared to the happiness in its deepest sense with just a smile and how I feel for you. I want to hold on to us for the rest of my life because I have never felt this sure ever in my life. If, by some chance or choice we bump into each other sooner or later, I hope you’ll be the same Derek I’ve always known.