I can’t help but ask myself: Do I deserve this? Do I deserve such a wonderful person who is, as many people believed, so perfect to be with just a mere human being incapable of so many things and who finds it hard to change the jarring ways in which she has grown herself with? Do I deserve the love, the trust and everything that he’s giving me?
I don’t deserve all of these. I don’t deserve any of these at all. But that’s for now. Nobody can change over night as they say, and the first step to change one’s failing is to accept it. And then, move forward… or in any direction you wish as long as you move and move with a direction. Sooner or later, by becoming the person that we want to be, all the flaws and failings that we used to have will find their way out of our own selves. Hopefully, when that time comes, it is not too late.
Someday, without any assurance if that day will come, but supposing that it will… I will deserve all of these. I will be a better person worthy of all the love in the world, especially his or his alone and all the things that I used to have, have, and will have.
Today, hopefully someday comes… But if for whatever reason there might be that that someday fails to exist, I won’t be troubled because by some means, I am trying my best today.
Heraclitus believes everything is changing. Now I won’t be the one to contest that.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
My New Year's Resolution
Lately, I’ve been “googling” on random things that interests me, like having a healthy lifestyle, waking up early, meditation, diet and nutrition, and the list goes on. Having read a few articles on these subjects, I decided to comply with not all, but most of the things that I also think would be helpful for me and make each day of my life productive, rewarding and improved. The things that I have read pushed me to change some parts of my usual activities but this account provides many other things. With this, I have listed my resolutions for the year 2009.
1. I will be an early riser consistently. For years, I have been planning to do this. There are times that I have been successful in waking up early for n consecutive days but it never got to that point where it became a habit. Not going early to bed would most probably be the reason behind. And for this, I blame my plates. And here I am again, blaming others when the blame is on me so…
2. I will think that I am the one responsible for the things that happen to my life. It is wrong to blame my plates for the late nights or the sleepless nights. Some things are beyond our control but there are also some things that we can control and the time to do my plates is something that I have power over. That is why…
3. I will manage my time wisely. How do I spend my free hours? I go to the library… and sleep or talk to friends or just watch people. I go two miles away from school only to play arcade and eat, or have a cup of coffee. Sometimes, I read books… without actually understanding. I surf the net and upload pictures in my blog. I watch movies. And most of the time, I list my things-to-do which does not go far beyond being listed and not crossed-out. So how do I spend my free hours? The short answer… I waste it! So this time, I’ll try to do things that would bear a seed, like reading notes in between classes or better yet, making note cards for reviewing which actually works for me.
4. I will not play arcade during schooldays. It would be hard, but I’ll try to fight the irresistible compulsion of “timezoning.” Not only does it kill time, it also consumes my allowance for the day.
5. I will jog at least once a week. How’s my heart? It’s going weak. Once a week is not enough I know, but it is what I can afford for now. I’d like to say I will jog at least three times a week but I’m not really sure if I can stick to that and I don’t want to break any of these resolutions of mine so I’ll play it safe. My sister plans to jog every Saturday afternoon. I told her to do so, after noticing her beer belly, which is something I also have. Shhh!
6. I will not buy things with exorbitant prices. My running shoes, which costs Php5,495, should be the last high-priced thing that I’d buy until I graduate. If I don’t do this, my sister would grow old poor and unhappy. That means, I’ll depend merely on gifts every Christmas and birthday and hope for the pricey things on my wish list. This, however, does not mean I can’t buy PS3 and rock band, or an SLR camera, since they are normally high-priced as long as the prices are fair and acceptable.
7. I will read and collect books. I haven’t read a lot of books in my life because I wasn’t interested at all before. I feel sorry for myself for not having that interest when I was younger. But as they say, ‘It’s never too late.’ The first and the only novel book I bought is “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. Most of the books I’ve read are gifts from my oh-so-good friends. I planned to borrow books from whoever but since I was also planning to put up a library in our future house, I decided to just buy so I can also keep them and put it orderly in our well thought-out and magnificent home library and let our future child or children read as many as he/she/they can or want to.
8. I will be a good sister. I am tired of the petty fights between me and my sister and I can't stand the silent days which turn to weeks and months. Most of all, I hate the look in her face when she’s mad at me. There’s really no reason to be at war with at all. She’s the only one I got right now.
9. I will drop the childish acts. If I can do this, I’m not certain but I’ll try. It had already been my character from long before hopefully only until now. I just turned 19 and life would be the same I know, but somehow, things will absolutely change. I will drop the childish acts, that is, the lack of seriousness and good sense but one thing will stay the same, I’ll still be childlike, the sweet and ‘innocent’ Tix. ;)
10. I will let go of the things I can’t get a grasp of and hold on to the things I have now. You don’t understand? Good. I’d rather not explain this.
1. I will be an early riser consistently. For years, I have been planning to do this. There are times that I have been successful in waking up early for n consecutive days but it never got to that point where it became a habit. Not going early to bed would most probably be the reason behind. And for this, I blame my plates. And here I am again, blaming others when the blame is on me so…
2. I will think that I am the one responsible for the things that happen to my life. It is wrong to blame my plates for the late nights or the sleepless nights. Some things are beyond our control but there are also some things that we can control and the time to do my plates is something that I have power over. That is why…
3. I will manage my time wisely. How do I spend my free hours? I go to the library… and sleep or talk to friends or just watch people. I go two miles away from school only to play arcade and eat, or have a cup of coffee. Sometimes, I read books… without actually understanding. I surf the net and upload pictures in my blog. I watch movies. And most of the time, I list my things-to-do which does not go far beyond being listed and not crossed-out. So how do I spend my free hours? The short answer… I waste it! So this time, I’ll try to do things that would bear a seed, like reading notes in between classes or better yet, making note cards for reviewing which actually works for me.
4. I will not play arcade during schooldays. It would be hard, but I’ll try to fight the irresistible compulsion of “timezoning.” Not only does it kill time, it also consumes my allowance for the day.
5. I will jog at least once a week. How’s my heart? It’s going weak. Once a week is not enough I know, but it is what I can afford for now. I’d like to say I will jog at least three times a week but I’m not really sure if I can stick to that and I don’t want to break any of these resolutions of mine so I’ll play it safe. My sister plans to jog every Saturday afternoon. I told her to do so, after noticing her beer belly, which is something I also have. Shhh!
6. I will not buy things with exorbitant prices. My running shoes, which costs Php5,495, should be the last high-priced thing that I’d buy until I graduate. If I don’t do this, my sister would grow old poor and unhappy. That means, I’ll depend merely on gifts every Christmas and birthday and hope for the pricey things on my wish list. This, however, does not mean I can’t buy PS3 and rock band, or an SLR camera, since they are normally high-priced as long as the prices are fair and acceptable.
7. I will read and collect books. I haven’t read a lot of books in my life because I wasn’t interested at all before. I feel sorry for myself for not having that interest when I was younger. But as they say, ‘It’s never too late.’ The first and the only novel book I bought is “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. Most of the books I’ve read are gifts from my oh-so-good friends. I planned to borrow books from whoever but since I was also planning to put up a library in our future house, I decided to just buy so I can also keep them and put it orderly in our well thought-out and magnificent home library and let our future child or children read as many as he/she/they can or want to.
8. I will be a good sister. I am tired of the petty fights between me and my sister and I can't stand the silent days which turn to weeks and months. Most of all, I hate the look in her face when she’s mad at me. There’s really no reason to be at war with at all. She’s the only one I got right now.
9. I will drop the childish acts. If I can do this, I’m not certain but I’ll try. It had already been my character from long before hopefully only until now. I just turned 19 and life would be the same I know, but somehow, things will absolutely change. I will drop the childish acts, that is, the lack of seriousness and good sense but one thing will stay the same, I’ll still be childlike, the sweet and ‘innocent’ Tix. ;)
10. I will let go of the things I can’t get a grasp of and hold on to the things I have now. You don’t understand? Good. I’d rather not explain this.
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