When I was younger, I have always been sure about myself… of the things I can do and the things I can be. When I was in grade school, when people ask me where I would enter high school, my immediate response was “USHS,” (our place’s smaller-scale version of Philippine Science High School) even though most of my classmates would answer, “…kung papasa.” But failing the high school entrance exam never crossed my mind. Then, at my senior year in high school, when people ask me where I would enter college, my immediate response…? “UP,” though most of them think it’s far from materializing. I was sure I would get into UP, though uncertain if I can get through my first program of choice. But it was all planned, from the time when I graduated grade school as the class salutatorian up until I shifted and transferred from the campus and program I was able to get into to the campus and program of my choice. All of those were mapped clearly on my mind. Perhaps, it has greatly contributed to the becoming of those things. That I had put them safe and secured in my mind made them happen in reality.
But now that I’m older, I have changed myself. I no longer think positively of myself, the becoming of my dreams, and the mapping of my clear-cut goals. Somewhere along the way, something has changed. Or maybe everything has changed. My dreams have been killed.
That I have realized this today and that I am writing about it means something is going to change again. But this time, it’s not for the worse. Maybe I shall come back to being the person I was before but I won’t. Believing in myself has helped me get where I am today, to the place where I’ve always wanted to be. It’s a good thing I have come to realize this soon enough, when I still have time to steer the wheel and make better decisions. This time, I will not only believe in myself… I will become.
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