“What do you think of snail mails?”

It was actually a test. And your answer would determine whether it’s the start of a new beginning for us or the end of those years we’ve been together.

I want to know if we have a connection. Something that only the two of us would understand. Yes, you will say I can’t generalize everything with just a single thing that came upon me on a whim. But no matter how impulsive things can get, if there is really something going on between just the two of us, we’ll understand, we’ll know without knowing why we know. That’s what I want us to have – that kind of connection.

After all those years, it’s sad to think that we failed to have it. It must have been the lack of proper communication, or the distance, or time. Or maybe, it’s just that. There’s nothing between us. No spark. No strings. No knobs. No hinge. No nothing.

No. It’s not that. I still want to believe that we have a connection. And it won’t come out in a single answer to my question which came upon me on a whim. Perhaps, this connection doesn’t come out of five years. Maybe it takes longer… just like snail mails, they’re slow in the coming.

*modified 07/03/2010

Brace

transitive and intransitive verb prepare for something bad: to prepare for something difficult, dangerous, or unpleasant that is about to happen
Microsoft® Encarta® 2008. © 1993-2007 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.


I just felt the need to explain why I had braces because nobody understood why. It’s my metaphor for the break-up. And eating is moving on. It is hard to eat when you have braces and so you end up giving up solid foods and consuming only soups and soft foods. But man can’t live on soup alone. Therefore, he needs to eat no matter how hard it is, how painful each bite and swallow is. And so is moving on, it’s a hard and painful process.

I don’t really want to have braces; but my teeth needed it. It has to be corrected so that things go just the way it has to and to avoid bigger problems in the future. In the same way, I don’t want this break-up; but we both need it. It has to happen, so that things fall in the right place, and to avoid further breakdown in the future.

The moment my braces are to be removed, my teeth will be better. It might take time but it’s certain that it will be corrected and be just the way teeth has to be – clean, strong and in the right place. Then I can eat anything I want without undergoing that painful process of biting and swallowing.

I have

I have four beds in my room;
Every night, I sleep alone.
I have three MRT cards;
The places I go doesn’t require me to ride the train.
I have 287 friends in Facebook;
I am alone most of the time
I have 16 bags
I only use three of them
I have a boggle, a chess board, and a tic-tac-toe board
I have no playmate
I have two closets full of clothes
I wear the same shorts and shirts every week

I have four beds in my room
There lay the stuffs I don’t use…

Do I really need everything that I have?
And do I have everything that I need?

Mind Power

When I was younger, I have always been sure about myself… of the things I can do and the things I can be. When I was in grade school, when people ask me where I would enter high school, my immediate response was “USHS,” (our place’s smaller-scale version of Philippine Science High School) even though most of my classmates would answer, “…kung papasa.” But failing the high school entrance exam never crossed my mind. Then, at my senior year in high school, when people ask me where I would enter college, my immediate response…? “UP,” though most of them think it’s far from materializing. I was sure I would get into UP, though uncertain if I can get through my first program of choice. But it was all planned, from the time when I graduated grade school as the class salutatorian up until I shifted and transferred from the campus and program I was able to get into to the campus and program of my choice. All of those were mapped clearly on my mind. Perhaps, it has greatly contributed to the becoming of those things. That I had put them safe and secured in my mind made them happen in reality.

But now that I’m older, I have changed myself. I no longer think positively of myself, the becoming of my dreams, and the mapping of my clear-cut goals. Somewhere along the way, something has changed. Or maybe everything has changed. My dreams have been killed.

That I have realized this today and that I am writing about it means something is going to change again. But this time, it’s not for the worse. Maybe I shall come back to being the person I was before but I won’t. Believing in myself has helped me get where I am today, to the place where I’ve always wanted to be. It’s a good thing I have come to realize this soon enough, when I still have time to steer the wheel and make better decisions. This time, I will not only believe in myself… I will become.