Kaput

I remember the afternoon of March 31st, 2002. I just graduated from gradeschool, as the class salutatorian.

I was sitting at our back door, staring blankly on the wall that separates our house from the street. I was alone, or perhaps I just don't remember there was anyone in the house at that time. I don't know where they are. We just came home from my graduation.

There were not much congratulatory greetings from anyone, no food, no celebration for what I thought was a special occassion. I just finished elementary school with flying colors, second in class. Maybe that wasn't good enough. So there was really nothing to celebrate for, or to be proud of. I was just second.

And here I am, 9 years after, winning first prize in a national essay writing contest. I kept it to myself and a few close friends for a while, for I needed time to absorb the good news. And how big a thing it was for me! Two weeks later, I brought my certificate and trophy to my sister. "May ipapauwi ako" was my discreet way of saying "Hey, I just won first prize in an essay writing contest!" But there was nothing except, "What's the Rizal trophy for?" Back home, I received no reaction, up until now.

Like my gradeschool achievement, it passed unnoticed, unacknowledged, unappreciated.

So I realized no achievement or award could give me that. Not that I'm yearning for acknowledgement or appreciation, I'm just saying...