Where’s the positivity gone?

Okay. This blog isn't fun. It is not made for you to read. Who would want to be sad? Who would want to be down reading things about sadness, failure, mistakes and sure-this-isn’t-cheering-me-up stuff? Everyone, aside from you… so thank you for bearing with me. Even though you are the silent audience in this dramatic soliloquy of mine, (who I know would not say a word or give a hand) that you are there on the front seat (or wherever you may be sitting) is more than enough for me.

This blog is too serious for the one who’s writing it. If only you could be with me for one day, or just for a moment, you wouldn’t think that I am the one writing this. Because in real life (or at least the life of me who mingle) I am this person who’s always smiling, who will definitely make your day a little brighter just because I can make you laugh even without knowing what makes you happy, who makes fun of every little thing, who enjoys the things she does and sees, and everyday is a day when I was born and I would die.

But this blog and this person writing all this stuff is someone else. Someone who finds fault in things she used to appreciate and give value to; someone who sees the wilted yellow flower on the side of the road in a bright sun-shiny day and the stain on a clean tablecloth; someone who closes the door to every possible moments of happiness and enjoyment and pleasure and fun just so she could spend her time thinking about how degraded the world has been all through these years. Well, that’s a good thing actually. To think about the deteriorating environment in which we live in everyday of our lives, every moment of breathe and every blink of an eye we see. So let’s replace ‘the world’ with ‘herself.’ But that’s not the point I am trying to make.

My hopes are high, and with fingers crossed, soon the 'me' will come to light. Or that I can be sure, I do what I do because I know what I know. Okay, that alone is confusing. This is just that point in my life where I am trying to figure where the hell I am heading because right now, I can’t see the end of the road.