I have been telling this story for more than thrice now and I thought it is worthy of an entry here in my blog since it is about… my birthday! J
The day started with the sound of a pounding hammer on the side of our house. After trying so hard for many times to fall back to sleep, I finally gave in to the loud and constant pounding, as if pulling me from bed against my own will. So I did get out of bed at past 9 in the morning on the 29th day of December, and standing in front of the closet mirror, I told the girl who lives there, “Okay. 21 now,” and took a deep breath. As expected, I found myself alone inside that two-storey house, which reminded me to prepare merienda for the workers, since no one else would do that. “Not my job, but fine… It’s my birthday after all.” The four workers kept me company that whole day and I served them some merienda in the morning and in the afternoon. I prepared their merienda with delight and enthusiasm, full of positive thoughts about birthdays and all days that are supposedly joyful and enjoyed, as if I am preparing the food for the guests for my birthday. And as I serve my ‘guests,’ they do not know that today, though for them is just one of the days of a long week’s work, is a special day for me. So there, my first human encounter on my birthday was with the workers, telling them, “Merienda na po kayo.”
Then as I was having my breakfast, Ma, my grandmother, came in with my 4-year old cousin, who wants to sing ‘Tomorrow’ (the only song she knows how to sing on our videoke). After I turned the TV, DVD and speakers on, and keyed in 10520, (My cousin sings the same song for more than 3 times a day for almost a week then so I memorized the videoke number already.) my grandmother left excusing herself to have breakfast at home. And so I was left with my 4-year old cousin, who I can barely have an actual conversation with, singing ‘Tomorrow’ as I was coaching her the lyrics she can’t pronounce properly giving the phrases ‘bet you’re your bottom dollar’ and ‘so you gotta hang on’ innocent injustice. It was almost lunch time when she finished her third song and her yaya fetched her to eat lunch/brunch/breakfast. Poor kid, I didn’t know she hasn’t eaten yet!
Anyway, at lunch I decided to cook. The dish was something no one has ever heard of or tasted before. It was tuna with tomatoes and tomato sauce and uncooked rice and water all mixed in the pan. I called it, ‘Food for the Ducks.’ And yes you got it right, after eating some spoonfuls of it, I fed it to the ducks. Then I had sandwich with liver spread for ‘real’ lunch and oh, it was time to serve merienda for the workers so they had the same, sandwich with liver spread plus Four Seasons juice.
It was the time of the day I always associate as the time when maids are stuck on the couch watching their favorite afternoon daily shows, I was there sitting on the couch singing songs on the videoke, with ‘Alone’ as my featured song of the day. ‘And the night goes by so very slow, oh, I hope that it won’t end though, alone.’ Virtually losing my golden voice, I shifted activity to watching HIMYM, stuck on the couch, like the maids in the back of my mind.
Then, someone who does not regularly visit came into our house, what a surprise! It was my grandmother’s sister, who I call, ‘Tita A.’ She asked about our new dining set, how much it was and when it was bought, then that decorative plant holder in the kitchen counter, and the round fruits on the table (if we already got 12 of those, and said she needed two more; this is a New Year’s thing) and then she asked for ‘makakain’ so I gave her some bread I found inside the ref and some fruits on the table. And that was it. She left not knowing what day it was or so I figured.
And then, finally, someone remembered my birthday! As I was looking from our door to the street, there was ‘Manang,’ our laundrywoman, with her apo, properly dressed as if to face people in a decent occasion, approaching our house. She knew it was the 29th of December and she knew it was my birthday! How thoughtful is she to remember that special day of the year! They came in and Manang greeted me ‘Happy birthday,’ the first personal greeting I received that day. But after finding out I had no party and no food is to be served, they went home disappointed perhaps for the futile effort of dressing up and walking from their house all the way to ours.
Not taking the day too personal and convincing myself I chose it to be this way, I was back on the couch, eyes fixed on the TV, but mind wandering elsewhere. I was thinking of... uh... I was thinking.
And just like that, it was dinner time. The workers were gone now; they left at 5, as they do everyday. And too lazy to cook again for the ducks, or for myself, I just bought sardines for dinner and got back on the couch to watch and wished for the day to end more quickly. I just wanted to sleep so that it’ll all be over – the loneliness, the absence of personal greetings, people coming but not knowing it’s your birthday, people who don’t know it’s my special day, the lack of balloons and cakes and foods that comfort you, the surprise guests you’re not suppose to anticipate, the absence of the most important people in your life and most of all, the emotions inside me I can’t seem to feel right about or understand. But really, other than that, I was fine.
And just as the day was about to end, my mother came in and greeted me with a big smile on her face and a ‘Happy Birthday, anak.’ I know she wasn’t suppose to go home that day because tomorrow’s not a holiday. She took a leave from work so that she can be there on my birthday. She forgot her phone in the office because she was, perhaps aside from being forgetful, in a hurry, so she can be there before I get in bed. And she did, she was there on my birthday! Though she texted me that morning to buy cake and ice cream and use the money she gave me the day before, I decided not to, for the lack of people to share it with. She asked if I already had dinner, and she figured out what I had.
They say, ‘Mothers know and understand without you having to say it,’ and though I didn't say a word, we were communicating. Even if I don’t understand what it is I am feeling, she knows exactly what it is. She went out for a while to borrow a phone charger from my tito, who lives near our house. When she came back, my grandmother and my 4-year old cousin, my tito’s and tita’s came in the house to greet me. How awkward, I thought, what my mother have done. How awkward, I thought, for these people to be there who knew to themselves that they had totally forgotten and was only reminded that today is my day. How awkward, I thought, to sing Happy Birthday on videoke, when they all think I had the day and the house and all the things within all to myself, alone. And that it wasn't so much of a happy day.
My mother tried to make things lighter and easier for me to bear. She tried to celebrate with me that special day of the year by reminding the people who has forgotten and giving me foods that provide comfort, watching HIMYM with me, opening a bottle of wine, giving me my birthday gift, and all the things that she could probably do to make me feel good. I was fine, really. Except that it was my birthday.
