Today, I am giving up.

Last semester, I got a grade of 3 (the lowest possible passing grade) in one of my major subjects, Arch 17 (History, Theory and Criticism II: Philippine Architecture). And that must really be something. I have been trying to retrieve from my teacher my final exam and my 10-page paper, which are more than half of the grade. Since the day the grades came out until now, despite the blatancy of my perseverance, he hasn’t given those to me, reasoning that he left it at home. One instant, he told me he was out of town, that’s why he did not receive my text reminding him to bring those papers to school the following day. What a lame excuse!

He is known for giving low grades and most students tend to make that the reason for not fighting against something they know they don’t deserve. I am not one of the most students. With nothing else but hope, I could be the one bold enough to correct his wrongdoing – giving grades in a way not fair for everyone. That might sound too heroic, but I believe that it does not take a superhuman to correct something wrong. I am more than certain that I don’t deserve a three – but unfortunately the proof is not in my hands. When I have learned that he gave me a three, it’s as is my world has crushed into coals and ashes and all the efforts that I have exerted for that final paper and the days and nights reviewing for the final exam have all gone into waste and that is so beyond the pale.

I want to fight for it but I have realized that there is nothing I can do now. Who am I? For him, I am just a speck of dust without any importance whatsoever, that my absence wouldn’t even be noticed by the world and that I don’t have the power to dispute what on earth he has done. Well for me, he is just the same.

Even though it’s against my desire, I am giving up. Not because I feel powerless to be against someone superior, but because I have learned to accept the fact that life is not really fair no matter how hard you try to fight it.

I won’t mind that three anymore. I won’t mind how my teachers measure how much I have done in their class – it’s not like they can measure my capability. Just like a boxer who lost a fight because of a judge who gave a score he does not deserve. It should have been a unanimous decision and the boxer should have won. But for the boxer, it does not carry any weight. Winning or losing is not what measures his skill, not the number of punches he gave or has avoided, or how many rounds he has lasted in the ring. It is how he fight, knowing it is fair and it is by heart. More importantly, it is the fact that he has given his best to that fight. Some may judge a boxer from the number of losses and wins or the knock-outs, but some who watch him fight know much better. It would be more dishonoring for the judge who made a mistake on purpose than the boxer who has not won the fight.

At 19, I don’t really know what life is all about. I have more to experience, more to know about it. But for now, this is what I say: Life is not about winning or losing, not about successes or failures, not about how much we earn or how we spend it, not about the things we have or the things we lost. Maybe, just maybe, it is not about the opportunities taken or missed. Life may not be fair. Trust me, it’s not and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Life is not fair. And we should learn to live with it. Perhaps, we can fight it but I advice you not to, because if we try to fight life, life always wins.