Rethink your life

Written: July 13, 2012 8:36 AM

Maybe it happened to you at one point in your life:
when you almost died in a car crash because of reckless driving -- either on your part or the one killed you,
when you saw your mother lying on the hospital bed losing all the life which you used to see every single day of her life,
when you got kicked out from high school because you failed math,
when your boyfriend broke up with you just because there’s someone "better" than you,
when your father became a drunkard after your mother’s death,
or when you became the provider of the family -- losing yourself in the process...

When something inside you doesn’t feel right, you pause for a moment and rethink your life.

You know how it feels to be empty.

You know how it feels to be walking on the road not knowing where to go, hoping not to bump into someone you know because you don’t want to talk, because there’s just nothing to say.

You know how it feels to be given space when company is what you needed the most, when your life is crashing right in front of your face and still nobody chose to be there.

You know how it feels to breakdown when breaking down is the only thing left to do.

You know how it feels to be weak, to lose yourself, to be on the verge of giving up this life which used to be fun and happy. 

You know how hard it is to stop thinking of things you don’t want to think about because everything and everyone around you just seems to remind you of those exact same things.

As hard to believe as it may be, but whatever you are going through right now, you’ll get through it. 

Don’t know what to do given a second life? 
Given only a few more months to live?
Parents died and you are left alone?
There’s just too much to do in so little time?
Boyfriend broke up with you?
Lost your job and can’t provide for the family?
Lost? Gender crisis? Midlife crisis?

Give it time and everything will fix itself even without your help. Accept whatever is happening wholeheartedly. Do not resist because the resistance will only cause you stress, and will eventually make you ugly (inside and out.)

Moving on doesn’t mean you leave it all behind. Moving on means learning from the past, carrying on with life, and keeping the faith alive. 

How many more sunsets do I have to watch alone?

I decided to stop writing here because more often than not, what I write is very depressing and that’s not a very good thing to share with the world. But I can’t NOT write. That I stopped posting on this blog doesn’t mean I stopped writing. I still write when thoughts come in mind. I still write, habitually, when I’m feeling sad and lonely, and mad at the world, or at someone. I am taking back what I wrote in my other blog:

"Yes, enough of the depressing posts. No more drama this time. Life is wonderful!"

I guess I need the drama to balance my joie de vivre. That's what makes life wonderful! I can’t live ignoring my need for putting into words my random, often dramatic, thoughts. I don’t want to end up having too many .doc files on My Documents, most of which are unfinished writings, unpolished thoughts of the moment. I just figured they should go someplace beyond my personal computer (which, by the way, crashes on me every now and then because of unsafe sites, if you know what I mean.) So rather than risking losing them all, might as well post them as is, if I can’t think of anything more to add.

I’m letting you into my mind. You have already done so much by reading this. Somehow, you made me feel that I am not alone in watching the sunset. Somewhere in this big big world, there is someone who could also see the beauty I am seeing.

And so… I am coming back to the home I built for myself. And you know what the good thing about coming home is? It’s not worrying about whether you are still welcome or not. Because despite the long absence, it’s as if you never left at all. Still feels like home! Oh, belonging and less loneliness!