It feels heavy whenever I become selfish so I always try to let everyone else have their piece before I have mine. I give not to myself, what anyone deserves to have. I am sensitive to the needs of the people around me, at least the needs I am capable of identifying and providing. I put myself at the end of a line, allowing others to get ahead of me to have what they need (or want.) I try to be kind to every stranger I meet, a politician at that, as my father says. I always try to give way to others, to the point that a half-hour drive may take me three times longer just because I am the one who'd always yield.
But equilibrium is inevitable. Life, they say, must be balanced. I give a lot to people, so there is this voice within telling me that I should also take something from life. I cannot just give and give and give without taking anything in return. Something must be taken from life.
I was unaware before that I am compensating myself by biting more than I can chew, literally. I was taking more than what my body needs, in food and sleep. I was trying to get from life what I thought I deserve. I was never really altruistic. I wasn't giving without demanding anything in return. At the end of the day, I demand for some reward that I must have for myself. Thus, the trash eating, a lot of unproductive days, long hours of sleep and idle moments.There are a lot of other ways to compensate myself for my selflessness. There are a lot of ways to feed ourselves. And we can also choose which of our needs to feed. Some choose to feed their carnal needs. Some choose to feed their hungry and growling stomachs. Some, their intellectual needs and some, their emotional needs.
Now the question is, which need needs to be fed most importantly? If my virtue is selflessness, I need not feed myself at all. There is this thing we call sacrifice. Now equilibrium is already out of the question.
