...i wasn't expecting at all.
Yes. I still have the chance to pull my transcript out of disappointments and regrets. I have already accepted the defeat and now here it is following me... a second chance. It feels like I didn't fail at all because I haven't actually failed and I am only hoping this time, I won't.
Second chances. How wonderful they are if they come unexpectedly. I ain't gonna throw it. I should do better, like i told my sister the day i accepted defeat.
No matter what happens, this will be a battle won simply because I chose to fight.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Criminal offense: Shoplifting
‘Toot, toot, toot…’ as we passed by the detector at the doorway, it made an alarming sound and our worlds just crushed down to pieces at that very moment. 14 books in a big pink floral-printed bag I was carrying – all shoplifted.
And there I was, in front of a security guard accusing me of being the ‘brain’ of such offense, as my friend weeps at the corner. “Wag kang aamin,” that was the rule of shoplifting once you get caught so I showed no intention of giving in and pleading guilty of the offense. But soon enough, I realized that there is no other way to end the accusation but for us to admit the sin we have committed, and so we have pleaded guilty. After I have paid for all the books, and without them having to blotter us (thanks to our charm and good acting skills), they let us go.
At sweet 16, some girls had their first real kiss, some had excelled on math or physics, some had decided the course their taking in college, some had their first date, and some had their hearts broken for the first time. And I? I had my first (and hopefully the last) mug shot.
And there I was, in front of a security guard accusing me of being the ‘brain’ of such offense, as my friend weeps at the corner. “Wag kang aamin,” that was the rule of shoplifting once you get caught so I showed no intention of giving in and pleading guilty of the offense. But soon enough, I realized that there is no other way to end the accusation but for us to admit the sin we have committed, and so we have pleaded guilty. After I have paid for all the books, and without them having to blotter us (thanks to our charm and good acting skills), they let us go.
At sweet 16, some girls had their first real kiss, some had excelled on math or physics, some had decided the course their taking in college, some had their first date, and some had their hearts broken for the first time. And I? I had my first (and hopefully the last) mug shot.
Souls Renewed
So tonight, we’ve just jeopardized our clean NBI record for 14 shoplifted books. Our worlds had crushed down to pieces and we don’t know how to face tomorrow, knowing that our mug shots could be posted in any place where people are free to judge us.
We decided to clear our minds, wake up from what seems to be a nightmare that had just happened and to just let it all out. Around 9 in the evening, we set out for Baguio riding her parent’s van. They were out of town that day so she was kind of free to do just whatever she wants and go wherever she wants.
The road was dark, empty and quiet. And so were our souls.
I don’t remember much about what we’ve done along the road but I remember we were listening to the radio, singing along with the songs as if we were happy that we’ve escaped the decoy of a bad criminal record. We talked about what had just happened and swore that we will never commit such a crime again.
We arrived at SM Baguio around midnight and the place, like the road was dark, empty and quiet. It’s as if a reminder of the present condition of our souls. We went to Burnham Park and we took pictures of us with the sunflowers. And since there was pretty much nothing else to do, we left after an hour with our souls renewed and the lessons learned.
We both know that the days after that, the world may be harsher and crueler to us. But we also know that we are better persons, made right by mistakes and that no matter how hard it is to face tomorrow, we have still have the guts to carry on for the days to come.
We both know, from the very start, that what we were doing was wrong. So what made us do it anyway? Go figure.
We decided to clear our minds, wake up from what seems to be a nightmare that had just happened and to just let it all out. Around 9 in the evening, we set out for Baguio riding her parent’s van. They were out of town that day so she was kind of free to do just whatever she wants and go wherever she wants.
The road was dark, empty and quiet. And so were our souls.
I don’t remember much about what we’ve done along the road but I remember we were listening to the radio, singing along with the songs as if we were happy that we’ve escaped the decoy of a bad criminal record. We talked about what had just happened and swore that we will never commit such a crime again.
We arrived at SM Baguio around midnight and the place, like the road was dark, empty and quiet. It’s as if a reminder of the present condition of our souls. We went to Burnham Park and we took pictures of us with the sunflowers. And since there was pretty much nothing else to do, we left after an hour with our souls renewed and the lessons learned.
We both know that the days after that, the world may be harsher and crueler to us. But we also know that we are better persons, made right by mistakes and that no matter how hard it is to face tomorrow, we have still have the guts to carry on for the days to come.
We both know, from the very start, that what we were doing was wrong. So what made us do it anyway? Go figure.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
‘Toot, toot, toot…’ as we passed by the detector at the doorway, it rang and our worlds just crushed down to pieces at that very moment. 14 books in a big pink floral-printed bag I was carrying – all shoplifted.
And there I was, in front of a security guard accusing me of being the ‘brain’ of such offense, as my friend weeps at the corner. “Wag kang aamin,” that was the rule of shoplifting once you get caught so I showed no intention of giving in and pleading guilty of the offense. But soon enough, I realized that there is no other way to end the accusation but for us to admit the sin we have committed, and so we have pleaded guilty. After I have paid for all the books, and without them having to blotter us (thanks to our charm and acting skills), they let us go.
Before that, we have already shoplifted at the same bookstore, at stalls along the middle of the mall, at beauty shops and a number of clothing shops in our place. That was the first and the last time we got caught. As for me, that was a wake-up call.
At sweet 16, some girls had their first real kiss, some had excelled on math or physics, some had decided the course their taking in college, some had their first date, and some had their hearts broken for the first time. And I? I had my first (and hopefully the last) mug shot.
And there I was, in front of a security guard accusing me of being the ‘brain’ of such offense, as my friend weeps at the corner. “Wag kang aamin,” that was the rule of shoplifting once you get caught so I showed no intention of giving in and pleading guilty of the offense. But soon enough, I realized that there is no other way to end the accusation but for us to admit the sin we have committed, and so we have pleaded guilty. After I have paid for all the books, and without them having to blotter us (thanks to our charm and acting skills), they let us go.
Before that, we have already shoplifted at the same bookstore, at stalls along the middle of the mall, at beauty shops and a number of clothing shops in our place. That was the first and the last time we got caught. As for me, that was a wake-up call.
At sweet 16, some girls had their first real kiss, some had excelled on math or physics, some had decided the course their taking in college, some had their first date, and some had their hearts broken for the first time. And I? I had my first (and hopefully the last) mug shot.
Military Offense: Not Wearing Proper Uniform
In senior high school, we had a military training course called CAT and I forgot what it stands for. Anyway, we were required to be in proper uniform (fatigue pants, black shoes and socks, beret hat, white shirt printed with the CAT logo and the name of our school, black belt, white handkerchief and bun hair polished with gel) on school grounds at the hour of 1300 ‘til 1800, when the training session ends. We were required to stop, shout for signal and salute all officers that come our way, stand straight on both feet, sit straight, address the officers with Ma’am/Sir, be polite and to quit making faces and smiling.
One day, my closest friend in high school, Mae, and I were inside the classroom and was too lazy to attend CAT that afternoon. We spent lunch time inside the classroom singing in front of the electric fan and just being totally uninterested about the whole CAT thing, not minding that military hours is nearing and that officers may arrive at any time.
So there, at 1300 inside the classroom, our classmates start arriving. Good thing there were no officers yet and these ‘civilians’ have warned us of the officers that may soon enter the room. The first officer to enter the room? The Corps Commander, the highest official in CAT. Mae and I immediately run for the door and hid behind it. When the Corps Commander passed the door, we scram like little mice avoiding the big cat.
I don’t know about the other batches, but we were the first and only students who've done that in our batch. And we’ve done it just once. I am not proud that I have done something that only a few people could do because they are scared of punishment or demerit. I am not proud that I have refused to do what I was supposed and expected to do. CAT is a subject in our school that only the officers, who can freely exercise their authority upon the other students, enjoy. And maybe, there were also a few of us willing to be under their control and to just be disciplined enough to obey orders.
That day happened not because we were too lazy and uninterested of attending CAT. That day happened not because we were not disciplined. That day happened not because we want to brag that we can do it. That day happened because we refused to do something that we were only forced to do. That day happened because we made a choice – and we chose demerit and punishment over being controlled temporarily and obeying orders.
You know what I have realized just now? That I am only sugar-coating an irresponsibility I have committed. It’s the lack of discipline that provoked us to do something like that. When we’ve done that, we weren’t thinking of things such as control, demerit, punishment, and discipline, especially not of ideals and principles; we were only thinking of something more fun to do than CAT. That was totally irresponsible for students like us.
Maybe in high school, we were really supposed to submit ourselves to its rules. The schedule is tight and fixed, and school hours should be school hours. You can do whatever you wish with the time you have before and beyond that, but when it’s time to submit, submit wholeheartedly. After all, it’s all for your own good. Because in high school, we are still supposed to be ‘caged’ because our young minds are not yet ready to comprehend the complex functions and events of the real world, and everything life has to offer. We are being prepared to have all what it takes to surpass just anything and be strong. It is in those years that we think we already know everything and are capable of doing just anything, but we don’t fully know and understand the world and the consequences of our actions.
One day, my closest friend in high school, Mae, and I were inside the classroom and was too lazy to attend CAT that afternoon. We spent lunch time inside the classroom singing in front of the electric fan and just being totally uninterested about the whole CAT thing, not minding that military hours is nearing and that officers may arrive at any time.
So there, at 1300 inside the classroom, our classmates start arriving. Good thing there were no officers yet and these ‘civilians’ have warned us of the officers that may soon enter the room. The first officer to enter the room? The Corps Commander, the highest official in CAT. Mae and I immediately run for the door and hid behind it. When the Corps Commander passed the door, we scram like little mice avoiding the big cat.
I don’t know about the other batches, but we were the first and only students who've done that in our batch. And we’ve done it just once. I am not proud that I have done something that only a few people could do because they are scared of punishment or demerit. I am not proud that I have refused to do what I was supposed and expected to do. CAT is a subject in our school that only the officers, who can freely exercise their authority upon the other students, enjoy. And maybe, there were also a few of us willing to be under their control and to just be disciplined enough to obey orders.
That day happened not because we were too lazy and uninterested of attending CAT. That day happened not because we were not disciplined. That day happened not because we want to brag that we can do it. That day happened because we refused to do something that we were only forced to do. That day happened because we made a choice – and we chose demerit and punishment over being controlled temporarily and obeying orders.
You know what I have realized just now? That I am only sugar-coating an irresponsibility I have committed. It’s the lack of discipline that provoked us to do something like that. When we’ve done that, we weren’t thinking of things such as control, demerit, punishment, and discipline, especially not of ideals and principles; we were only thinking of something more fun to do than CAT. That was totally irresponsible for students like us.
Maybe in high school, we were really supposed to submit ourselves to its rules. The schedule is tight and fixed, and school hours should be school hours. You can do whatever you wish with the time you have before and beyond that, but when it’s time to submit, submit wholeheartedly. After all, it’s all for your own good. Because in high school, we are still supposed to be ‘caged’ because our young minds are not yet ready to comprehend the complex functions and events of the real world, and everything life has to offer. We are being prepared to have all what it takes to surpass just anything and be strong. It is in those years that we think we already know everything and are capable of doing just anything, but we don’t fully know and understand the world and the consequences of our actions.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I blog
Before I wrote this article, I was having a hard time choosing between creating a new blog and continuing this one. As is apparent, I chose the latter. Why? Because even though I may be a different person now compared to the one blogging here before, I am sure that who I was before will always be a part of me and it’s something that has to be with me in my becoming.
So here I am again, after all those experiences Рhappy and sad, up and down, green and red Рcontinuing the journey of a person under the control of her whims. The past, we shall always not forget, is and will always be a part of who you are today and the person you will become. Ok, clich̩. It is something we should not hide, neither to dwell in. It is something to reflect upon because they are full of memories to be kept and lessons to be learned.
The title of this blog was not changed since I created it: Some Things Happen on a Whim. But it had before a subtitle, which I eventually deleted after some grammarazzi pointed out my error on who’s/whose: experiences and adventures of someone who’s under control of the dangerous instability of her whims. Initially, I planned to fill these blogs with stories from the past that had happened without long and careful thinking, spur-of-the-moment anecdotes, not-your-usual-things-to-do and yes-I’ve-done-it-before experiences. For some reason I don’t know, I ended up writing about feelings and emotions about things and people and forgot about my initial plan.
Well, like they always say, it’s better late than never. And since it’s my semestral break, I have the right to break free from the usual things I do and spend time writing about my past experiences, whimsy moments worth sharing and learning from.
I used to be a very impulsive person. And I must admit, up until now, I still a bit am. So expect random stuffs posted here every now and then. After all, some things happen on a whim.
So here I am again, after all those experiences Рhappy and sad, up and down, green and red Рcontinuing the journey of a person under the control of her whims. The past, we shall always not forget, is and will always be a part of who you are today and the person you will become. Ok, clich̩. It is something we should not hide, neither to dwell in. It is something to reflect upon because they are full of memories to be kept and lessons to be learned.
The title of this blog was not changed since I created it: Some Things Happen on a Whim. But it had before a subtitle, which I eventually deleted after some grammarazzi pointed out my error on who’s/whose: experiences and adventures of someone who’s under control of the dangerous instability of her whims. Initially, I planned to fill these blogs with stories from the past that had happened without long and careful thinking, spur-of-the-moment anecdotes, not-your-usual-things-to-do and yes-I’ve-done-it-before experiences. For some reason I don’t know, I ended up writing about feelings and emotions about things and people and forgot about my initial plan.
Well, like they always say, it’s better late than never. And since it’s my semestral break, I have the right to break free from the usual things I do and spend time writing about my past experiences, whimsy moments worth sharing and learning from.
I used to be a very impulsive person. And I must admit, up until now, I still a bit am. So expect random stuffs posted here every now and then. After all, some things happen on a whim.
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